In Shame and Pride, Donald Nathanson describes shame as one of the most defining human emotions. According to Nathanson, shame arises when a sense of connection, appreciation, or pride is suddenly interrupted. A person feels rejected, inadequate, or perceived in a painful way.

According to him, shame touches directly on identity. It is not just about what someone does, but primarily about how someone perceives themselves in relation to others. As a result, shame can have a deep and lasting impact.

Nathanson describes that people often react automatically to shame without being aware of it. He names four common reactions:

• withdrawing and avoiding
• attacking oneself
• attacking others
• pretending nothing is wrong

These reactions provide temporary protection against pain, but can damage relationships and self-image if they persist for a long time.

In addition, Nathanson shows that pride and shame are closely connected. People have a need for recognition, connection, and dignity. When those needs are met in a healthy way, healthy pride and self-confidence emerge. When connection is lost or humiliation occurs, shame grows.

According to Nathanson, recovery is only possible when shame is recognized and discussed. People need safe relationships in which they do not have to hide themselves. Only then can shame slowly transform into greater self-acceptance, connection, and emotional freedom.